tipsy-doodle doo....

I'm effing bored.. so I'm just gonna blab and blab until you hate me or rather yourself for wasting your ever precious time reading my nonsense blah blah..


- My default mood is melancholy because it makes me appreciate happy-ness greatly. I guest despite being a smiley and touchy-feely kind of person, inside of me, I really am dark & twisted.

- I did not realize that I do have a shattered confidence in regard to my chosen profession until last night when I was talking to a dear friend and the topic was sorta brought up. I.. dunno. I'm havin a hard time forgiving myself for the stupidity I have showed the world.

and so for that, last night, as I was thinking real hard about my life that I shouldn't really be doing since it only complicates my thoughts even more, I had instead created a new literary piece of shit.

Prozac

Eternity--
I see no evidence of such.
I feel no evidence of happiness.
In this short yet long dimension,
where horizon and sky never met,
a never ending pain exists
between the world and me,
on life's journey and imaginary experiences.
I am wanting
of a would-be world in the deepest
of my cold soul,
of truth and not vagueness.
I am demented and sick.
I'm dreaming that I am numb.
A lifeless substance.
Pain-free creature.

memoirs.....

I am sharing this..yet again.

The infamous:

Ano bang Problema niyo?!!!!!!!!
March 8th, 2007

PUUUTTEEEKKKKK!!

di na kayo nakakatuwa ah…

ano ba? inggit ba kayo na mas matalino kami sa inyo?? i really REALLY don’t want to brag and rub the fact off your faces but you are so0o0o0o pushing it..

bitter people!!

would you just let it go already??

and you!! you BIATCH!!! DO YOU know that i am close to pulling your hair off to bring you back to your senses?!!!

gawd!!!! what you’re saying are TOO MUCH!!!

and i’m loosing it.

KAYO NA LANG ANG MAG-EVE MGA ADIK!!!

you…freakin small-brained creatures..!!!! GET A FREAKIN LIFE AND MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!! WE DESERVE WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW AND YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE HAVE GONE THROUGH!! DAMNIT!! DAMNIT!!!!! DAMNIT!!! I AM SO0O0O0O FREAKIN MAD RIGHT NOW!!!!

UUURRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

I TRIED TO STAY CALM AND MAINTAIN MY COMPOSURE AND NOT TO ACT THIS WAY… BUT.. I HAVE TO FREAKIN VOICE OUT THE ANGER THAT’S CREEPING ALL OVER ME!

i hate you… and your whole damn section… sorry for those who aren’t as bad as those concern.. but you have your section’s name on your back.. and just hearing it irks me.. totally.

Fairness ba?!!*rolls eyes*

March 14th, 2007

bakit naman ganun?

i’m just wondering outloud ah.. hope i won’t offend anyone.

i am, or rather we, are just damn curious as to how on earth some names end up in Group A in the Review list.

seriously?

Is that like showing us, people, that your institution is afraid of those damn parents who can’t shut their gob when they absolutely have no idea what the real thing is going on?

chickenin’ out?

or, on the positive side, (as we are trying to view it…) you guys just want to give ‘em a real hard painful slap in their faces so you mixed them up with those in Group A?

i sure am hoping you’re targeting for the latter, cuz we’re trying to be positive here.. thinking fairness is so0o0o out of the picture these days.

remember, i’m just wondering outloud and i’m not measuring anything.

that’s all. (said in that infamous tone that Meryl Streep used as Miranda in Devil Wears Prada, with a shrug)

i hate you (rantings)

February 11th, 2007

i wrote this originally as a testimonial in Eve’s profile.. just thought i should post this here too cuz it’s something i find amusing now..haha..

you have to keep in mind that i still hate/(too strong for you?) dislike the person mentioned in the rantings below.. hahaha

that’s just her.. she’s a silent sadist.. SERIOUSLY!!!!! BWAAAAHHHHH!!!

‘ang EVE..

suki sa mga sadistang CI..

bakit ba sila nagexist??

yung tipong pag merong chance to make our life a lil easier.. they would like literally avoid that way just to make us more miserable and hopeless..

i hate how they would pretend that they do care.. WHEN IN FACT THEY DON’T!!!

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!

dahil ba may posisyon ka at we are literally UNDER you.. you’ll grab every damn opportunity to make us suffer!!!! WE ARE ON OUR WITS’ END YOU BLIND/OLD TART!!!!!

AHHHH!!!

I SO0O0O0O0O FREAKIN WISH I COULD SPIT THESE WORDS IN YOUR FACE!!!!

you have no idea how you made our blood boil… seriously.. if looks could kill.. you’re prolly six feet under since wednesday morning…

EVE..KAYA NATIN TO!!!’

Guess where??

Guess where?


The moment I press the doorknob's lock, I feel that I am absolutely separated from the harsh reality of the world outside.

I find myself a light years away from my dreaded issues and fears.

I can peel-off the make-believe skin that I ALWAYS use to avoid such humiliating scrutiny of people who has a real small brain capacity.

It gives me a sense of security to dig the deepest part of my humanity, and the fact that I am not just another specimen of this oh-so-materialistic world.

It is the place where I create the most impossible.

I am extra-ordinary;
I am adored and loved;
I am the Queen and the princess of my little kingdom.

The only place where I confess my weaknesses and elucidation.

No eyes judge me. Nobody can tell me that I am wrong.

I cry, I scream. At times I hurt myself by pulling a fistful of my hair.

And then I would close my eyes for a second and unlock myself back to reality.

Smell the air fume that nauseate my nostrils, brush my hair, spray some Chritina Aguilera's Inspire, hoping against hope it would, indeed, inspire me, really.

Pretend that I am happy. That I am contented.

Believe that I know what love is. Start dreaming into fairytales.

I am an angel who lost my wings and is saved by a broomstick.

I am a witch. And I hate vegetables.


*sighs*

sa araw na ito..

Ang araw na ito..


today is a very special day kasi birthday ng aking one and only sis.. (take note, hindi kami blood-related.) hehe.. anyhow..

I've known her for umm..how many years na nga ba?? I can't quite put my finger into it.. memory gap nga naman oo.. but anyhow, she has been a real blessing in my life. Kagaya nga ng sinabi ko before sa texts, if my everyday here on erth is already a blessing, then her coming into my life is already a miracle.. as well as all the other special people in my life diba.

So sis, Annel, Annelvie, Amvie.. whatever they call you. Happy happy birthday my darling sister.

++++++

Sa araw na ito ay umattend ako/kami ng seminar with former Dean Marco as the guest speaker.. siyempre sobrang saya ko di ba. Kasi crush ko talaga siya. At alam ata iyon ng buong Integrity. So?. He's really magaling naman talaga.. at andami ko sanang gustong i-recap with regards to everything na sinabi niya pero mostly ang tumatak sa kin na sinabi niya is, kung papasa ako or kami ng board exam, it's not because of all the reviews we've done and all (siyempre with its help but not entirely), it's simply because we deserve it. WE effing DESERVE IT!!!!!!!

Do i feel like I deserve to pass the board? OO naman. I want to stay positive from now on that I will pass the board.. pero siyempre, at the back of my head, there's still that lil voice murmuring 'what if hindi...what if you fail...' pero i'll try my best to keep that disgusting thought away.

I am positive. POSITIVE.


pero feeling ko medyo jinx na i'm already talking about the boards eh I haven't graduated pa nga.. hahahaha...

Ga-graduate ba ako??


Yan ang hindi ko pa alam... *stares blanky* haha..

kapalpakan at iba pa..

Panapananaw lamang..



Sa dinami-dami ng errors na pwedeng i-commit sa pinili kong propesyon, hindi siguro talaga maiiwasan na kung minsan (huwag naman sanang maging madalas) na makagawa ng mabigat na pagkakamali.

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kung bakit hindi kayang higupin ng utak ko ang lahat ng imporamasyong kailangan ko habang buhay.

Nakakainis na may hanggan ang lawak ng kaisipan ng tao. Pero hindi ko rin naman pwedeng kwuestyunin ang mga bagay-bagay na ganoon kalalim. Naniniwala ako sa Taas at alam kong may dahilan ang bawat bagay.

Nakakalungkot lang, at nalulungkot ako at naiinis sa sarli ko na sa bawat kapalpakan ko sa linyang ito, buhay ng tao ang nakasalalay.

Palagi kong sinasabi na gusto ko ito,. na masaya ako sa direksyon na 'to. Na maalaga akong tao. Pero siguro nga, bubot pa ako. Hindi pa sapat ang kaalaman.. mahina.. mabuway.

Sana isang taon mula ngayon matatag na ako at karapat-dapat sa posibleng propesyon ko.

Gusto kong isigaw sa mundo, sa lahat ng tao kung gaano ang katangahang naipamalas ko sa araw na ito.. pero huwag na. Mag-iiba pa ang tingin nila kay 'Ghie'..

Tae di ba.

Sa yo, hindi mo ito mababasa at kampante ako.. salamat po. Sa gamilyang haba ng pasensiya at pang-unawa. Ang laki na ng utang ko sa iyo.

Chie-chie..tandaan natin. Enero bente, dos mil nuwebe..

happy new year!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!

woo0o0o0o!!!

Sow how's everyone?? gawd.. I effing miss this. This. Exactly. Being able to pour out my non-sense blabs about my very chaotic yet beautiful life.

I wish everyone a happy and prosperous new year!!!

hmm.. short recap of what has been happening to moi:

My new year was a blast!! I mean its first day was.. I spent my January 1st with the people who are real close to my heart next to my mom and dad. Tapos nag exchange gifts pa kami! yahoo!! Siyempre yung paghahati ng taon nasa bahay ako at mega nanonood sa mga bonggang fireworks. I left the house at around 2 in the morning to go to Ate Beth's house.

and then all the fun ended. Classes had resumed, sadly. Hahaha.. Our first week, supposedly,
we would act as student c.i's sa mga level 1 students. Pero hindi yun ang nangyari. Darn talaga. Bale naka-set na kasi yung isp ko last year pa na magtuturo ako sa CMC West. But no. Sayang yung pera ko na nagastos sa pagpapaprint ng sandamakmak na requirements para dun sa nursing educ na yon. Pati effort ako!..Wala na. Pinull-out kami for some reason I still couldn't quite figure at nag-duty kami instead sa Cavie Naval. Ayos naman except for the fact na we were under real TOXICITY. Ang daming requirements anak ng tinapa.. Pero we're real thankful that Ma'am Gariza was real malambing with her 'girl..' term of endearment whenever she tries to call our attention.. "Oi girl yung charting mo asan na?" .. "girl yung mga meds ngayong twelve ha..".. "girl lahat ng gamot sa E-Cart gagawan niyo ng drug study ha.."..."girl....girl...girl..." By the end of our duty, I was effing sure I am a GIRL. hahahaha.. But no kidding, she's a sweetie naman pala.. I was thinking of the opposite.

Anyhow, so yun nga, and then yesterday we attended the seminar of Patience which was also held in GT. Without bitterness (although I do have the latter in me) maganda yung over-all seminar nila. Except may maingay talaga sa likod ng stage.. grabe. Hindi siguro sila aware na dinig sila talaga sa harap.. prolly yung mga C.I's sa back area, hindi sila aware dun. We were not given evaluation sheet. Most of us in our section at least. *glares*

The highlight for me of that effing seminar was not even when my dearest loved ma'am ada gave her closing remarks (I applaud though Patience for giving that part to ma'am Ada. We were talking on our table na parang naiiyak siya dun sa last part ng speech niya. hehe..) but when we were to go home na. Lmao!!! Sinabay kami ni Dean sa karuna niya. At dahil siyempre makapal ang mukha namin, nakisabay kami ng bonggang bongga. And what made me real joyous is dahil sa front seat nakaupo si mam ada. Shemay ang babait nila. Mega-watt smile of course si mam and she was even apologetic sa min kasi ihahatid pa daw siya ni dean.. parang sorry for delay ganun. Grabe! Eh samantalang okay nga lang kahit sa kanila pa mismo siya ihatid! hahaha.. at pinag-usapan namin ni Arianne yung LV bag ni mam ada. I think and I'm pretty sure orig yung bagelya niya. Tae.. napakamahal nun! Hindi risonable ang presyo. Just think, ang halaga ng bagelya na yun ay makakabayad na sa buong tuition fee ko ngayung second sem, kasama na pati review!!!! Sabagay..kung-afford niya naman di ba.. heheh..

So today, as I'm typing this up, kakatapos pa lang ng defense namin sa thesis. Shemay!!! Thank God!!! May mga corrections lang pero ok naman yung whole presentation. Mabait yung panel namin na si Dr. Quinio (umm..bilas siya ni mima.) with Dr. Ayuyao naman, hindi na siya masyado pa nag-comment, mga corrections na lang yung binigay. Thankfully.

Hai... It's still the first month of this year and a lot of things had already happened. .

but before I go to my default mood of melancholy, i-share niyo naman kung ano ang new year's resolution/s niyo?

Ako I don't have one. Hindi ko naman kasi nasusunod. Sayang lang yung effort ko ng pag-iisip kung anong pwedeng resolution ko.. Haha.. saka I don't think it's ideal to still wait a new year to change for the better. Everyday I think is a great opportunity naman to change a behavior towrds the better.

Di ba?? =)

Perfect Man

Before I get into what this new post was about,

I would like to greet everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! pareho lang ba yun?? Wtv. Anyhow, I wish you all will have plenty of blessings to share and lots of gifts to rub into everybody else's faces specially those who doesn't celebrate the season, really. (e.g. Me.) However, being a lucky individual, I did received some gifts as well.. and i gave away some din naman.

Mainly because I am a sweet person. Generally. (Yan ha, mainly na, generally pa. haha)

++++++++++++++++++

Perfect man, does he still exists? Yan madalas ang tanong ko sa sarili ko whenever I read romance pocket books. I guess that is the down side of reading too much fiction. A woman tend to believe that a knight-in-shining-armor will conquer dragons to be with her. Sad to say, most of the time, the dragons of this world camouflage themselves as a knight-in-shining-armor.


Despite that sad fact, I somehow believe that a perfect husband/man once lived. He's name is Ronald Raegan.

I own a book called "I Love You, Ronnie. The letters of Ronald Raegan to Nancy Raegan." Some of my pals has seen it and read some letters from it, and we were all in awe with every letter.


To all those wondering who on earth is Ronald Raegan, he is the 40th US President. He was a former actor before entering politics. Nancy Davis is his wife and they tied the knot on March 4, 1952.

Here is an unedited letter of Ronnie to Nancy--one of my favorite, which also goes with the season.



Dec. 25, 1980

My Beloved First Lady

I'm supposed to be sitting here with my fingers crossed watching you open a package. I of course would be hoping it was something you really wanted: something that would show how much I love you. (Having the house painted wont do it)

But here I am--writing a letter again looking for words that will properly say it and those are hard to come by. Could you maybe give me a hint or two before next Christmas?

You see I have this problem, I miss you when you first leave the room. I worry about you when you go out the front door. Now this isn't good for me-- not since my transplant. (you into my heart 29 years ago next March.) Without you there would be no sun, no moon, no stars. With you they are all out at the same time.

browning I'm not but believe me I do love you to the breath and depth of all my being and I count all the ways I love you and they add up to greater happiness than I deserve.

Merry Christmas my love.


Your Husband.




If you weren't touched at all by that letter, I'm assuming you are the coldest living person ever which makes you dead really. Since one cannot live without a tinged of warmth.

I cannot help but melt everytime I read that letter..and I also can't help but wonder if I'll ever be a s lucky as Nancy.

Hai. Bata pa naman ako.. I still have a lot to look forward to. I'm hoping to find a man who is as sweet enough if not as much as Ronnie.

*wistful thought*